If I were president, I’d make you realize
No more questions no more lies,
I’ll tell you the truth looking in your eyes,
See how that rhymes?
If I were president.

Well first and foremost son,
Jesus Christ he’s the only one,
You’re going to talk to when your day begins.
I’m going to pass a law that says everyday
You got to get down on your knees and pray,
Thank the man for dying for you sins.

If I were president, I’d make you understand
Jesus he’s the man, he’s the reason, that you stand,
If I were president

We’re gonna put the word out on the streets
No more Washington, DC,
I’m gonna make this country big and strong.
No more paying of your taxes
The capital is Ft. Worth, Texas,
That’s the only place a house that big belongs.

If I were president, nobody gonna push us around.
Nobody’s gonna laugh
When Jason Boland’s my chief of staff,
If I were president.

Well, Iraqi boys you must be nuts,
You’re digging yourself deeper in a rut.
I got a way to end your problems soon.
We’ll bring home every one of our boys
And pull out our biggest baddest toy
And blow you crazy bastards to the moon.

If I were president, nobody going to push us around.
If they threaten us or put us down,
We’ll burn their county to the ground.
If I were president.

Talk about you Osama bin Laden,
It won’t be long til your name’s forgotten,
America’s freedom’s always gonna ring.
You know we won’t be satisfied,
Til your hatred’s dead and your people are fried,
Your head’s on a stick and your balls are in a sling.

If I were president, if I were president
Hey one thing you can’t deny,
Your sorry ass is gonna die,
If I were president.

Well, I got one for you Sadaam Hussein
We’ll resurrect General John Wayne,
Put together a very simple plan.
We’ll put down our nukes put down our guns
And you and the duke will be one on one
And he’ll kick your ass as if you were a man.

If I were president, if I were president.
If you don’t like Willie Nelson, my God you got to go to prison.
If I were president.

So cast your vote and make it me
And if I win the beer is free if I were president